I'm a creative mess, and I love it.
My hair is so freaking long now. I'm very tempted to get it cut, but I'm resisting that temptation because I know it will just grow out to be this long by the time classes start up again. Now that I'm earning my own money, I'm beginning to realize why cutting back on "unnecessary expenses" is very, very necessary.
I asked Beth why my hair was growing so fast in such a short amount of time, and she suggested that my birth control pills could be responsible. I'm happy that the pills are helping the pain from my Endometriosis, but I wish some of the side effects could be a little less severe. I've noticed my hair growth rate increasing, weight loss and feelings of horrible nausea early in the morning. The nausea only lasts for about an hour, but the sick feeling is still something I've come to dread. I always try to sleep through it, rather than wake up and sit through it alone.
The hair growth and weight loss are side effects that I've come to deal with, and I don't really mind them. Ever since I switched from the first birth control pills I was on to the brand I take now, I've been much happier and a lot more energetic. (At least, that's what Mom tells me every time she sees me when I go to my parents' house.) The weight loss is something that Shawn's been worrying about lately, but I'm trying to make sure that it doesn't get serious in any way. I don't like it that he has to worry about me in that way.
A little over two years ago, I went through a major life change that affected the way I live-- mentally and physically. I'm not going to go into too many details right now, because I plan on writing a post dedicated to staying healthy in the future. My little "life story" kind of goes along with that post. For now though, I'll just say that a lot has changed in the past two years. I was never "bigger" in any sense, but I did have a little extra weight that was unhealthy for me in an emotional way. I wasn't happy with who I was and I couldn't grasp that fact at the time. After realizing that I needed to make a drastic move, the new, healthy part of me started to slowly take its rightful place in my life. I went from weighing 128 pounds to weighing 104 pounds. The loss of weight was slow, so in no way did I just drop the pounds.
The weight loss was completely unintentional. I never thought I was fat, but now that I look back at those days, I realize that I just wasn't the best person I could have been-- I wasn't happy with who I was, which makes me think I was "fat" with unhappiness. Now that I don't eat greasy or fast food like I did before, and now that I watch what kind of meat I eat, I feel fresh and clean all the time. When I first started taking the birth control pills, my doctor warned me that there was a chance that I'd either gain or lose a few pounds, which made me feel uneasy. The very idea that I would be changing who I was, yet again, just didn't sit well with me, especially since it didn't seem like I'd have control over my own body. After seeing that I have control over how I feel now, I don't feel as threatened by the pills. If anything, I feel more in charge. And I'm definitely in less pain!
Another factor that may be weighing in *chuckle* is the amount of work I've been putting into my life. Never have I been so adament at making sure that I'm kept busy during, what used to be, a vacation time. I grew up spoiled with the idea that Summer break means lazying around the house all day, but now that I actually have life goals for myself, I want to make the best of my time by working towards something I love. Knowing that I get to help maintain an amazing blogging site every day makes me so proud. I'm proud because I finally have a job that I enjoy doing, and I get to use my experiences here to throw myself even further into the adult world-- along with the dream of someday having my own life with Shawn. My future with him is what's keeping me going right now. He gives me reason to want to do well.
That's why I owe a lot to Shawn right now. I recently found out that I will be an official Six Apart employee who works full-time! I've been taking on more and more responsibilities with Vox ever since I started, and even though everything with my job has seemed to go extremely fast, I'm happy to know that I get to incorporate myself even more into the blogging network through such a great company. It's nice knowing that what I'm giving to my team and to Voxers really matters and makes a difference. My main objective right now is to get through the school year and then, hopefully, go full-time for good. (I'll have to cut back on some hours when classes start up, but I still plan on trying to maintain a regular work schedule.)
Knowing that I'm working hard has made me smile more than anyone can imagine, and it's made Beth, Shawn and Mom even more proud of me. That's something that means more to me than... anything. Life is good right now-- busy, but oh-so-good.
I wasn't planning on making another post until my Kawaii event, but as it turns out, the "secret packages" that are on their way to me are taking longer than expected. They should all be here within the next few days. I didn't want to fall out of my good routine of posting, so here I am!
Comments
Taking charge of your life is perhaps the most important thing you can possibly do. It's important to have a goal, a vision, something to work towards to achieve. I am so so glad that you have that. Some people never find that.
As always...enjoy your writing.
btw, your dress (i'm assuming it's one) is incredibly cute! i have to ask, where did you get it?
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Reesie. Working with Vox has made me more aware of what I can do with my writing. I've been able to work more on writing as time goes on, so I think Vox is an asset in my life as well. We make a good team. ^__^
Being organized with goals is something I've always tried to do, but I was never very successful until recently. Sometimes changes have to be made, even if they're surprise changes, in order to gain new perspective. I think that learning stuff like this at the age of 22 is pretty good, although, I'd like to know what would have happened if I had learned what I know now when I was in my teens instead. Now that's a crazy thought.
Yeah, I've been trying my hardest at work, so I think I'm doing something right! *pumps fist in air* It's a great feeling.
I think the fact that I've taken initiative with my life has shocked people into being proud of me, haha. I still feel like I'm spoiled a lot of the time because of what my parents are still helping me with, but knowing that I'm slowly helping myself into a better, more self-sufficient lifestyle is a positive thought to keep in mind for the future.
Ivysgrandkid- They really do! And thanks for liking my hair. It looked good in this mini photoshoot, but it gets in the way when I work... so that's the main reason why I'm having problems with it. If I got it cut, it wouldn't be too much of a change-- just a snip here and a snip there. =D
Leigh- You're right. The feeling of being secure and happy all at once is great. I'm glad that we can both acknowledge that we're satisfied with life in that way. Oh, and what I'm wearing in the photos (believe it or not) is actually a longer shirt, not a dress! I think the black leggings and the angle I'm standing at in the photos make it appear as though it's a dress. I bought it from Charlotte Rousse a long time ago-- last February, I think.
Cass- *keeps on keepin'* Tee hee. I'd love to see that pin sometime. I demand pictures someday. ^___~
Paul- Goody, goody? *grin*
Now that’s what I like to hear, you smiling in your writing. Happiness in words but I don’t see the messiness I just see you surrounded with the things you love, and the photo of you trying to be innocent when I am looking at the halo I still get a glimpse of the horns (just kidding) it will be nice to see you hair longer, I just don’t understand why they charge such a high price for a woman’s hair cut vs. a mans who has the same amount of hair and virtually gets the same amount of work done. Thank god I cut my own hair on vacation here I laughed at the prices in they charged I could get all the equipment I needed and cut my hair and still come ahead in money.
I wondered off topic again I seem to be doing that more and more and repeating myself, as well as spelling the hard words and screwing up the easy? I know off topic!!!!
GLAD you found a place you love to go to work I think its one of the most important things you can do for you working career and your sanity that’s why the rest of us are nuts, or maybe just me! Glad to have heard from you I was wondering what you were up to mischief I hoped!
I also think that your lifestyle changes, both with your weight and life goals, are a great thing. You need to do whatever makes you happy, and sometimes that's hard to remember because we're so busy making sure others are happy first. It's such a liberating and proud feeling to know that you have goals and plans for yourself, and making your own money, to me, always feels rewarding. It does make me think twice about buying certain things, though. A lot of times I'll think to myself, "If I buy this, it will cost me 3-4 hours of work. Is it worth it? ^^
I'm still anxiously awaiting your weight loss post, tee hee. I'm battling with weight loss myself and am always very curious to hear how other people did it and what motivated them. To me, 128 would be a dream weight, but it all depends on what makes you happy -- that's key. I'm glad that you've been able to change your lifestyle and feel so much happier with yourself. It is amazing what eating healthy can do for you... I always feel fresh and clean when I eat right as well, heh. I must say, though, you do look gorgeous in all of your photos. I'm only slightly jealous. ^__~
i had almost the opposite situation . . . i was a little under 120 at the end of high school, healthy (or so i thought), active, and relatively happy . . . and then i got to college and dropped to 104. i was sick all the time, and i couldn't tell you what i ate. once i realized this was bad, the weight slowly came back on, but it made me even more miserable! since then, i've settled into a healthy range around 118-121, although i still would feel more comfortable a little trimmer. (not skinnier per-say, but lean-n-mean. too bad my laziness has been keeping me away from the yoga!)
in any case, i'm SUPER happy to hear that your pain's becoming managed, and that work with 6A is going so well! :)
happy summer . . . and you know . . . we're just about at our one-year anniversary with Vox! hooray for Voxy friends. :)
I feel very happy for you Lauren.
Well, my hair is growing much too slowly for my liking. :( This post made me realize that my hair probably did grow faster when I was on the pill, hmm.
Your feelings towards the side effects remind me so much of myself. I'm generally very thin, with fluctuations either way - and despite the fact I've often wished for a bit more weight, the concept of letting the hormones decide scared me. In the end, it worked out alright. :) I'm glad yours have helped so much with your pain. I got the morning nausea too, I think it's kind of cruel that so many pill side effects are classic pregnancy symptoms.
It's so good that everything is coming together for you with work. Making a home and a living for my boyfriend and I is what keeps me going, too. :D
I know change even for the better is hard to do and cope with, but hang in there this is definitely for the better, and hope the weight thing evens out, so you and Shawn don't need to keep worrying about the lose. It's great that your family are so supportive.
You look great in short or long hair, so go for whatever makes you happy.
And most geniuses are/were messy, so it's just proof of how smart you are and creative too.
Great post. You're one of the few women in America worried about losing too much weight.
That in and of itself is healthy.
Maybe now what I said before about people wanting to emulate you and that you are a "fashion" leader (you influence a lot of people) will be clearer? My only concern is that you'll overwork and over commit yourself eventually. You talked about "If I knew then what I know now" earlier, well there is a book that I think might help you be happier *and* someone more able to give the best of themselves... It's called Too Nice For Your Own Good by Duke Robinson. Don't get me wrong - I generally loath "self-help" books, because they often aren't much help - just repackaged platitudes and the latest fad. This one is genuinely different. He went through all the classic symptoms of the "nice guy" but still wasn't happy and was getting more burned out all the time. He started questioning why this should be so, and found he had a lot of company! With others, and over many years, he developed a series of strategies to overcome the learned behaviors that good people internalize, but that can be ultimately self-defeating. Check it out. If it sounds interesting to you, I would be more than happy to get it for you. (I've given this book to over 20 people already - but only to "nice" people"^^) Just add it to your Amazon Wish List...
You are so lucky to have a job you love - so many don't - or they make huge adjustments later in life, when they realize that they they will never be happy doing what their parents wanted them to be, or what seemed easiest at the time...
Wired Magazine is unique guide to the Tech world... I'm sure it will give you ideas and Six Apart is often in there. ^^
Much well deserved luck dear! :)
You sound so very mature - wisdom earned the hard way, I guess. Good for you -and many congrats re the fulltime job thing! YAY!!!
Haha, yup. I'm smiling. I fel pretty fulfilled after I heard that the work I was doing was good enough to get me a full-time job. I'm hoping to do my work even better from now on. The amount of new information a person can learn within only a few weeks is amazing-- that's something else I've come to realize...
I really don't know why haircuts for women cost more. I've thought about this before, and the only conclusion I've been able to come to is that women don't just get haircuts; they get new styles, new colors, and the list could go on forever! Plus, the salon I go to is a pretty expensive place to begin with. Once I was spoiled with a great stylist, I couldn't help but go back to her every time I needed something. =D
No worries... I'm not up to too much mischief. *wink*
Jen, you always make me smile whenever you leave such sweet comments, so thank you for everything-- your support and your kind words. You're online right now, and if you're still on after I reply to the rest of my comments and after I eat, I'll message you. ^____^
It was cool to hear you call me a "hard worker" because I've never considered myself pasisonate about work. Even with my classes, I tend to take the easy way out with all my assignments. Sure, I still do well, but I still feel like I'm lazier than most students! I think this job has straightened me out a lot.
That question you posed in your comment is something that always runs through my head. =D "If I go out tonight and buy food to eat... I'll be spending [insert length of time] hours of my shift's money... Pshh, I'll stay in and eat!" Haha, it's interesting how that mindset changes so easily when you make your own money...
Don't worry-- I plan on writing my weight loss "journey" post a little after my Kawaii at Vox event. I think I'll be able to focus on that post more once everything else for the event is cleared away from my mind. ^_~ I'll also message you when I post it to make sure it doesn't get lost in the crazy shuffle of Vox life, tee hee.
I never minded weighing 128 pounds. In fact, I didn't think any differently of myself since I figured I had grown, but I found out that what I was eating wasn't making me grow in a healthy way. I feel so much more energized these days. I owe a lot of thanks to a good eating routine and the fact that I've been taking long walks more regularly.
As always, much <3 to you, sweets.
I'm about five feet, four inches tall. I'm not short, but I'm not exactly tall either-- just in between! I never planned on losing weight, but once I realized how fast food affected the body so badly, I cut back with almost all kind of unhealthy food altogether. That and the birth control pills contributed to the rest of my weight loss.
College can have the strangest effect on you. It sounds like you were able to fall out of that funk after recognizing how stress can damage your body. And I think you're right-- we went in opposite directions with our health. When I first started college, I gained a few pounds, which put me up to the 128 pounds. I would eat a couple big meals a day, not even paying attention to the times I would get sick (from all the greasy food) late at night. (-__-) I look back now and think, "I really should have known better," but I guess everything still works out since I learned my lesson.
I'm glad you're healthy now. <3 Hearing that my friends have gone through similar situations makes me feel better, but then I realize how delicate the human body is, yet again. You seem to know what's best for your body now. ^__^ That's great! Oh, and I'm totally with you about being too lazy to work out more. I'd love to get more trim. I have a healthy body, but building some muscle is a new goal of mine.
We should both make ourselves promises to go through with that... someday.
Thankies for the congrats, hon. I like how Six Apart is helping me become a better writer, and at the same time, I can make my writing skills even stronger. It's a cool relationship.
I've talked with my doctor, my mom (a nurse) and my dad (a doctor) about the side effects I've been experiencing. So far, they say everything that I'm going through is normal. I'm sure some girls have it even worse than me, so I should probably consider myself lucky... Anyway, I'm trying to keep all of the effects in check. Compared to the last brand of birth control I was on, these new pills are amazing. I'm not tired all the time, and I don't have an ongoing period. (That was a horrible effect of the last pills.)
*passes on charisma to you and everyone else* =D
Isn't it weird how everyone's hair grows at such different paces? Mine used to grow (what I consider) pretty slow. Beth started taking some vitamins to make her hair grow faster once, so you could always look into something like that. Just be careful, because she noted that she gained quite a bit of weight after using them. I'm sure there's something out there to make hair grow faster that doesn't affect weight.
You're so right! It's extremely unfair that taking a simple pill makes us experience what it's like to be pregnant... all the time. Hey, at least we'll be completely prepared for when we decide to have babies of our own. All of the symptoms we'll experience for nine months will seem like nothing. ^___~
I know what you mean, and that's so nice of you to say that. I like knowing that I can share these happy times with all of you like this. Thanks for always being here for me, Mike.
Thanks for your concern. I've wondered about falling into a routine of only focusing on work (and no fun), but I'm going to try really hard to avoid doing that. I've seen my dad revolve his life around work, and I would hate to do the same myself. It not only hurts the individual, but it hurts everyone around them. That's absolutely the last thing I want to do. It's funny that you mention that, Mike, because Shawn hinted at the same worry. I know that he doesn't want me to take on too many hours during the school year, so I'm trying to watch myself right now. "School comes first. There will always be time for a job after you graduate." I agree, but still... I can't imagine giving up what I have now.
Thanks for the book recommedation. I never really read self-help books myself, but sometimes it's nice to try something new. I shall look that book up later on and let you know how it goes!
I need to pick up a copy of Wired... I hear the magazine name thrown around a lot among other Six Aparters, and I'd like to see what all the commotion is about. ^______~
Ken- Thanks so much. It's nice to grow into a nice lifestyle.
Phillip- It is. =D
Jo- I love hearing from new Voxers, so thank you for cheering me on even though we don't know each other well. I'm sure that'll change through blogging!
Julie- It really is a great feeling to be so content in the work area of my life. And as for my hair, that day was the last day I could get it to look anywhere near good. I've had to pull it back out of my face so I can concentrate on what I'm doing during the day just because it's so unruly. Grr. =p
Jeff- Haha, hey... I never mentioned anything about being a genius! I don't think I'm anywhere near being that. I do like to use my creative skills as an excuse for my habit of being "messy." As always, thanks for your support, Jeff. I appreciate it.
Sandals- I definitely plan on keeping everyone updated on how I'm doing with work. I've been making sure to share how everything is going with work every since I landed the position at Six Apart back in May. I plan on keeping up with making updates about that area of my life. I received the job by sending in a resumé after I saw and advertisement for the position. I went through a series of phone interviews, and my background as a writer was able to help me get the job. It was fate!
Jeff D- I didn't even think about that... Nice point. ^^
Robbie- Thanks for all the congrats, and I'm glad you like my hair. With the way it's acting right now, I'm afraid I'm going to have to chop a good amount of it off so I won't go too crazy, tee hee.
"Health" is such a tricky word, it doesn't just mean physical health; sometimes we don't realize how much health is dependent on how we feel about ourselves.
I'm so glad to hear that you're liking the new job! It's great that you get to do something you love and are passionate about. It makes life that much more enjoyable.
Tracy- Thankies, sweets. I've commented on your most recent entry, but it sounds like we're both making some pretty big changes in our lives right now. I think everything will work out for the best... *sends happy thoughts* Of course what you said makes sense. I know how life can throw those crazy curveballs that we just have to deal with. Thank you for your confidence and support for me-- I really appreciate it. (You and Kathleen both picked out the Chii plushie in my photos, which I thought was cute. ^^)
Baloo- Yeah, it's going really well... and being happy with that really does make life more enjoyable. =D
Sarah- Aw, haha. Thankies, darlin'. *dances* You're so nice. ^///^ Oh, and "health" is a very tricky word and concept. I like to think of it as a puzzle...
Beth- "Lenny?"
NOOS- Thankies! Unfortunately, that photoshoot was the last day I could get my hair even close to being manageable. >.< Tee hee.
Keep smiling =)
(you look fantastic btw :) )
Honestly I don't think a comb has touched my hair in years, even in Japan when I didn't bother cutting it for almost six months.
on you! :)
I am looking for an old pin that has I'm not messy, I'm creative on it. It has paint splashed everywhere and a creature kind of like the Adams Family's cousin It covered in paint splashes too. Is this what your pin looks like? Would you be interested in selling it? Let me know.
By the way, I am Diana and I live in the metro-Detroit area (Michigan). I own a fun business. You can check us out at www.dbyjewelry.com.
Well, let me know about the pin. I'm very excited that my Google search on the pin led me to your blog.
Diana