Winning at something called "life."
One of my last semesters in college is almost over with, and I feel pretty happy with finally being able to, as Mom keeps saying, "see the light at the end of the tunnel." I think her optimism is in the family blood; I'm feeling more confident that, yes, graduation is possible. Senioritis hit me about two years ago, and it hit even harder last semester when I had to learn how to juggle my job with my classes. This semester seems a little less stressful, but I'll be just as happy to get it over with as I did in the winter.
As graduation draws nearer, my plans for life are falling into place. (It seems vague to say "life," but I'm learning to deal with how plans for the future are pretty vague most of the time anyway.)
My very last semester of college will consist of three English classes, all of which I have charted out at this point. My summer is going to be taken up by working more full-time hours again, and I'm hoping to turn part of my hours into an internship that's required for my English major. Turning a few hours into the internship will save me a lot of stress during the school year. In fact, I was worried I would have to somehow drop something in order to fit the internship in, but it looks like everything is working out for the best after all!
The best part about this whole working hard thing is planning for what I want to do after graduation. Shawn and I are currently working (and saving money for) an apartment for in a few months. Since Kathleen will be coming to live with Beth when she starts going to our university, Shawn and I decided it would be best if we started to branch off into our own little world. A few years ago, I would have thought moving in with a boyfriend was a big step, probably because of all the hype from silly TV shows and dramas. Honestly though, I've learned that a step like that can be simple if a couple is ready for it and really wants to progress in a relationship. This September will mark my six year anniversary with Shawn so planning for the future isn't just a plan; it's what I've been working towards for a good chunk of my life.
Shawn told me something that meant a lot to me the other day. Now, I'm not the one for mushy statements. We were standing in the kitchen making dinner together a few weeks ago, and we had been discussing something about his job. I think he was complaining about a few assignments he was given to do, so I turned to him and asked how he could put up with some of the tasks that his everyday job demanded of him. He turned to me and said, "Well, I do it for you. Actually, everything I do is for you." Hearing that made my mind wind back to a few years ago when he told me that if we hadn't started dating, he would have joined the army. He felt that he didn't have anything else to do in life so he thought he would try to look for meaning in some other form of work. Something like that didn't seem so profound to me until I casually told Mom about it during one of our conversations. She told me that a guy telling his girlfriend that says that he's living for that girl. And it's true. Shawn letting go of certain things in his life and choosing to work an office job would have never happened if we hadn't started dating. He's chosen to live his life with me, and everything he does-- from running to the store for soda because I have a caffeine headache to keeping a desk job and working long hours-- is for me.
I've thought about what Shawn has done for me a lot. So now, I feel like I have a reason for graduating and working towards finishing college. Even with all this busy work going on now, at least I know that something good is coming out of all of this. After we stay at our apartment for about six months (so until I graduate), we're going to be finding a really nice apartment and then save up for a house. Jokingly one day, we started to look at house ads online. After we browsed some beautiful homes, I realized that a beautiful home in a safe neighborhood is something that I do want to work for, even if it means working this hard. Who knew a future was possible? I didn't, until recently.
And sometime after we graduate, and some more time after we live together, we'll decide to take the next step. Marriage is an idea that many, many people have asked us about over the years. In fact, I think everyone else is eager to hear about a wedding announcement from us, but we've just decided to take things easy-- one step at a time. We're planning though, and we've found that confidence in our relationship is our marriage to each other. An official engagement will come in time. For now, all I need is this pretty amazing reality we're facing together. It's a pretty damn good reason to keep working and living.
And that's pretty much where I'm at right now...
Comments
Glad to hear everything is falling into place (for lack of a better phrase).
Congrats and just remember to enjoy each part of your life for what it is.
:-)
You're such a wonderful person. And and your boyfriend are so lucky to have each other. "Well, I do it for you. Actually, everything I do is for you." is the sweetest most loving thing a Love could ever say to another. And... you're almost finished with college! Yay! With your love, optimism, and wonderful personality, I only see great things for you. You're enviable.
Good luck to you both hon! ;>
It is nice that people say that but again we feel the same as you--- "what's the rush. we are just enjoying the time we have now together. and, when that time comes, we will let you know". But, we always get asked that. I am sure once we are married the questions will turn to "Babies???" That is a whole 'nother story!
But, I have to say that I LOOOOVE these photos! The black and white one is so classic! You have to keep that one and frame it! It is too good to just hide in a photo book!
Don’t take this wrong but some of the things you are saying, of what Shawn has told/said to you are the things that both men and women wish there significant other would tell them and maybe I should say also show them, like Shawn has to you! I guess its because you found him so early in your life and haven’t had to date so many frogs before finding a prince you have had it nothing but good (with your own set of problems).
But at least you are doing it the right way; life is something to be savored, slowly enjoyed. Too many people rush into everything thinking they have to have it all now or they might miss out on something, and they do the time spent together learning about each other, enjoying each others company spending time doing adventures together, and the time apart learning how to spend it without smothering each other respecting the time for some space.
Life is a long strange trip, so enjoy the ride and the adventure of it, good, bad or whatever comes your way you two will always be there for each other, you can see it in yours and Shawn's eyes.
I am so jealous( although I would prefer a Girl friend) , you may have to live close to your sisters so they can both complain about each other and you can brake up fights, he he!
life is always going to be busy. but always find time to slow down, sometimes stop along the way and smell the roses. literally
Good luck!!!!.
this is pretty neat.
and great to know that things are actually falling in place for you.
I hope all your dreams come true. **hugs**
I wish I could make my friends listen sometimes, but I guess everyone has to learn in their own ways. *shrug* Luckily, I never learned through getting too hurt myself... I ended up learning by watching so many people I care about getting hurt. That sounds pretty bad in a way, but one thing to always remember is to be observant of others.
Thankies again, sweets.
It's funny... My mom used to always regard me as the more "flighty" one of her three daughters, but in recent months, I've actually become really intent on my future and what I want to do with my life. I guess it took wanting to care about what I'm doing with my time (work vs. play) to really push me in that right direction. The best thing I've found that I can do is try to show my friends that it's possible to find a goal and pursue it as long as good, positive intentions are involved in the process. Finding that balance is really key I think...
I used to make it a point of telling Shawn to not say anything I considered "mushy" because I felt like it would cheapen our relationship. He didn't really know how to respond to that the first few years we were dating. Then, about two years ago, I realized that he knew exactly what to say to make me feel really loved. I like those truthful moments between us. They're like little unexpected presents.
And thank you for everything you said. Haha, I felt so light and happy after I read your comment!
So I'm not the only one who gets those questions then! Almost immediately after someone (even if it's not a friend) asks me how long Shawn and I have been dating, my answer is followed with a question about marriage. I find it amazing how people associate the amount of time a couple is in a relationship to marriage.
Wow, hearing you mention that question about babies made me think. I can totally see that happening. It's kind of like after you graduate high school, you're happy that no one is asking you what college you're going to. Then, as soon as you're in college, people want to know what you're majoring in-- or doing with your life. *hits forehead* It's one long, continuous cycle!Yays, I'm glad you like the photos. <3 The middle and end photos were taken last summer, but I don't think I ever used them in a Vox post. The first one of me was taken about two weeks ago on a really pretty spring day. I like how they all turned out. =D
I completely understand what you're saying, Jamie. I see a lot of people hoping for the perfect romance or relationship (because they're not the same things!). What I've found over the years is that the reason many relationships don't work out is because of minor problems that eventually develop into massive ones. Before Shawn and I even started dating, we set out certain things (guidelines, I suppose) that we wanted in a relationship to make it strong. It was because of those few talks in our pre-relationship days that made us realize that we were very compatible.
What's missing, I think, from so many relationships is that initiation period-- that time when the couple has a chance to get all of those past relationship experiences, those bad things about themselves, and the good things about themselves. If you get all the truths from the past out there ahead of time, then you can face your present and future together.
I'm definitely taking time to enjoy what I have right now, although I have to admit that I'd like more chances to sit back and actually live a little more than I can right now... As much as work and classes are helping me move in the right direction, they're also very time consuming. Sometimes I think I'm missing a lot of what is going on right now.
Thanks for everything again, Jamie. ^___^
Oh, you're not that much older than me! =p
I'm definitely trying to find time to slow down more. After what happened at the end of last summer with the whole stress issue, I realized that I needed to prioritize more-- by keeping relaxation on the top of the list. I'll take time to smell the roses.
Thanks for the advice, Rachel. ^___^
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that... I still urge people to hold on to that happy dream feeling, but at the same time, let them know that reality (unfortunately) does it at times. What you went through sounds so difficult; I can't even really imagine. *hugs* Thank you for your sweet wishes. I hope things eventually work out for the best for you, too. <3 Dreams can still happen, you know. There are no rules or limitations for those.
That's great to know, thank you. I don't really know if I'll be going into editing or where exactly my English major will take me... I'm hoping to stick with the blogging company for a career for now. Either way, an internship can only mean good things!
I liked what you said about moving in together not being a big deal. I've heard so many people make a huge deal about it and say how it's a "big step." Honestly though, I feel that if a couple is comfortable enough with each other, it's the next natural step to take when in a relationship.
Thankies, hon!
I'm glad to hear you are so happy with your boyfriend. I was with my husband for five years before we got married. I think that if you spend a good chunk of time together, things progress more easily and seem more natural. We moved in together about 6 months before our wedding. I can't imagine having moved in after 6 months or even 3 years- then it would have been that "big step."
The whole joining the army thing was also similar for my situation - my husband said that if he didn't meet me, he was considering being a PRIEST! :)
By the way, how is Shawn's job at Kohl's going? From the sounds of your post it sounds like he isn't the happiest. Is he going to stay with them full-time after graduation or look elsewhere? He sounds like such an intelligent and hard worker, I have no doubt he could get a job anywhere he wanted. ^__^
Shawn's job is going really well. He's graduating in May (jeez, that's next month!) so that means he'll be working full-time and finally be on a salary. I'm trying to figure out where Shawn stands with how happy he is what his work. A lot of the time, he does say that the whole office atmosphere isn't for him and that the coding can get to be way too much... (I don't blame him.)
I'm hoping that things will change around for him once he starts working there as a regular employee though. His superiors are already starting to give him more assignments-- like leading meetings and such. It's so weird to think that Shawn is in the business world. For some reason, I still feel like we're too young to be saying that we're "in a meeting." Haha. =p
I'll probably be able to give you a better update on how he feels about all of it after he works there for a few more months. Honestly though, I think he's proud of the work he's done for Kohl's. He put in a lot of hours for their website. It wouldn't be running the way it is if it weren't for him!
I think that if you spend a good chunk of time together, things progress more easily and seem more natural.
We moved in together about 6 months before our wedding. I can't imagine having moved in after 6 months or even 3 years- then it would have been that "big step."
It sounds like you made the perfect decision for when to move in together. Good for you! That's something really special that defines you and your husband. <3
And wow, I have to say that your husband saying he was going to become a priest is way much of a better story than mine! Hahaha, that sounds so crazy. I bet he's really happy with how things have turned out though. Sheesh, that's so cool how you two are together now. ^___^
(but even so, you are so lucky! ) ^^
(Incidentally - I had to check that 'positivity' was actually a word and by the time I came to type it, I'd said it so many times, I was convinced it wasn't a word. It's amusing when that happens :o)