2 posts tagged “graduation”
Ever since the semester ended, I've been adjusting to a lot of new changes. I really don't know how I want to sum up the past few months, but I think the best way to tackle the task is by creating a list and then expanding a little on each point. (This is what happens when I have to make lists for both work and school; it starts pouring into my personal life, too! Haha.)
Shawn and Kathleen graduated. I'm not a fan of going to big graduation ceremonies, but as it turns out, I had to go to two within the same month. Shawn had to deal with my bad mood that day (I feel like I kind of ruined part of the experience for him... Bah!), but it ended up going really well. He's completely finished with college and education for the rest of his life. I'm so proud of him, and I couldn't be more jealous. ^///^
Since Shawn graduated, he's been working full time for Kohl's Corporate. Whenever any of my family members, or one of our friends, asks how he likes his job, he always tells them that he doesn't really like what he does there. Even though he says that, I know he really likes it. He's been picking up a ton of responsibilities: going to meetings, being "on call" for days at a time, attending events held by his team, etc. Whether Shawn wants to admit it or not, he likes being needed for something. He really should feel that way, too, especially after all the work he's put into the past few years in school.
Kathleen graduated high school and has been getting ready for college. She's going to the same university that Beth and I are at, which I'm totally psyched about. <3 As happy as I am for her, I have to be honest about the whole situation-- it's been a tough few weeks for her and the rest of our family. We've all been going through some major adjustments and there have been a lot of hurt feelings. I'm not sure where I stand on all of the issues anymore, but I do know that I'm trying to focus on making Kathleen as comfortable as possible with her new living situation with Beth. It's interesting how so many changes in just Kathleen's life have impacted the entire family. Something like this has never really happened in this way before.
My internship is going well.
I'm moving in with Shawn in a few weeks. Even though Shawn and I have lived in our current apartment together, with Beth, we finally found a place for just the two of us. We looked around for a few weeks, did some research, and then found the perfect place for us to live for the next year. I started getting a little stressed out when we were looking, because I hated the fact that I felt "homeless" but everything worked out in the end. The biggest challenge for us now is buying all of our furniture and still having enough money for rent. Like Shawn keeps telling me, we "have to take it slow." I guess I'm just excited about the idea of having an entirely new place to live with all new furniture. It's like I'm putting together a new family or something! ^__^ Slow steps are good.
I had to tell Dad that Shawn and I were moving in together. I had to do it. I mean, after all the years that Dad and I haven't been able to communicate, I had to tell him that Shawn and I were taking this step in our lives. Honestly, I wasn't worried about talking to Dad, but everyone else started to freak out about it. Mom even told me, at one point, that she didn't want to be in the house when I was talking to him. *sigh* Every other person I talked to gasped and made me promise to tell him/her how it went.
The thing is, everyone knows how difficult my relationship with Dad has been throughout my life. His Filipino culture is extremely different from my own, and hearing that two people are moving in together before marriage can tear people apart. There are little secrets to situations like this though: you have to know people. You have to know how they function, how they feel about certain issues, how they react to specific situations, how their thought processes break down information. I did my research and I made a plan.
Last weekend, I went home to talk with Dad. I walked up to him and asked him if we could talk alone. Within the next two hours, we stood there in my parents' bedroom talking about everything. I told him about Shawn and me, and from there we started talking about family and beliefs. Huge breakthroughs were made, and I told him that I wanted to fix everything that had gone so wrong in the past. I know that Dad and I don't have what Mom and I share, but I'm only 23 years old. I can be an adult here and try to fix something like a relationship.
A few times during our talk, Dad broke down. A while back, Mom told me that no one but her had ever seen him cry, and even then, it had happened only twice during their marriage. When he started crying, he told me he felt he was a bad father. And then he kept repeating the same story about how he had left to go on a vacation at a time when things in our family were finally good-- and then how guilty he felt about leaving for those few weeks. Even though I had little recollection about this happening (since I was so little), I felt everything he felt. I know how one guilty memory can tear me to shreds so I did the only thing I could do at the time. I listened.
Not everything between Dad and me is resolved now, but at least we have some of the issues out in the open. I told him that we need to talk more, instead of letting Mom be the messenger between us, and he agreed.
It's been an interesting few weeks. As always, I've been dealing with a lot of the stress by buying myself presents. *guilty look* I know I should be saving money for my new apartment, but having new dolls and accessories makes me feel so much better. They take my mind off of the stress. I'm trying not to repeat what happened last summer! So far, I've only had to take my stress medication for one week and I was able to stop after that. It's a good sign. ^__^
In a way, I feel like I've kind of graduated, too. Usually summer is a slow time for me, but so far, it's proven to be just as hectic as the school year!
One of my last semesters in college is almost over with, and I feel pretty happy with finally being able to, as Mom keeps saying, "see the light at the end of the tunnel." I think her optimism is in the family blood; I'm feeling more confident that, yes, graduation is possible. Senioritis hit me about two years ago, and it hit even harder last semester when I had to learn how to juggle my job with my classes. This semester seems a little less stressful, but I'll be just as happy to get it over with as I did in the winter.
As graduation draws nearer, my plans for life are falling into place. (It seems vague to say "life," but I'm learning to deal with how plans for the future are pretty vague most of the time anyway.)
My very last semester of college will consist of three English classes, all of which I have charted out at this point. My summer is going to be taken up by working more full-time hours again, and I'm hoping to turn part of my hours into an internship that's required for my English major. Turning a few hours into the internship will save me a lot of stress during the school year. In fact, I was worried I would have to somehow drop something in order to fit the internship in, but it looks like everything is working out for the best after all!
The best part about this whole working hard thing is planning for what I want to do after graduation. Shawn and I are currently working (and saving money for) an apartment for in a few months. Since Kathleen will be coming to live with Beth when she starts going to our university, Shawn and I decided it would be best if we started to branch off into our own little world. A few years ago, I would have thought moving in with a boyfriend was a big step, probably because of all the hype from silly TV shows and dramas. Honestly though, I've learned that a step like that can be simple if a couple is ready for it and really wants to progress in a relationship. This September will mark my six year anniversary with Shawn so planning for the future isn't just a plan; it's what I've been working towards for a good chunk of my life.
Shawn told me something that meant a lot to me the other day. Now, I'm not the one for mushy statements. We were standing in the kitchen making dinner together a few weeks ago, and we had been discussing something about his job. I think he was complaining about a few assignments he was given to do, so I turned to him and asked how he could put up with some of the tasks that his everyday job demanded of him. He turned to me and said, "Well, I do it for you. Actually, everything I do is for you." Hearing that made my mind wind back to a few years ago when he told me that if we hadn't started dating, he would have joined the army. He felt that he didn't have anything else to do in life so he thought he would try to look for meaning in some other form of work. Something like that didn't seem so profound to me until I casually told Mom about it during one of our conversations. She told me that a guy telling his girlfriend that says that he's living for that girl. And it's true. Shawn letting go of certain things in his life and choosing to work an office job would have never happened if we hadn't started dating. He's chosen to live his life with me, and everything he does-- from running to the store for soda because I have a caffeine headache to keeping a desk job and working long hours-- is for me.
I've thought about what Shawn has done for me a lot. So now, I feel like I have a reason for graduating and working towards finishing college. Even with all this busy work going on now, at least I know that something good is coming out of all of this. After we stay at our apartment for about six months (so until I graduate), we're going to be finding a really nice apartment and then save up for a house. Jokingly one day, we started to look at house ads online. After we browsed some beautiful homes, I realized that a beautiful home in a safe neighborhood is something that I do want to work for, even if it means working this hard. Who knew a future was possible? I didn't, until recently.
And sometime after we graduate, and some more time after we live together, we'll decide to take the next step. Marriage is an idea that many, many people have asked us about over the years. In fact, I think everyone else is eager to hear about a wedding announcement from us, but we've just decided to take things easy-- one step at a time. We're planning though, and we've found that confidence in our relationship is our marriage to each other. An official engagement will come in time. For now, all I need is this pretty amazing reality we're facing together. It's a pretty damn good reason to keep working and living.
And that's pretty much where I'm at right now...
