9 posts tagged “love”
Ever since the semester ended, I've been adjusting to a lot of new changes. I really don't know how I want to sum up the past few months, but I think the best way to tackle the task is by creating a list and then expanding a little on each point. (This is what happens when I have to make lists for both work and school; it starts pouring into my personal life, too! Haha.)
Shawn and Kathleen graduated. I'm not a fan of going to big graduation ceremonies, but as it turns out, I had to go to two within the same month. Shawn had to deal with my bad mood that day (I feel like I kind of ruined part of the experience for him... Bah!), but it ended up going really well. He's completely finished with college and education for the rest of his life. I'm so proud of him, and I couldn't be more jealous. ^///^
Since Shawn graduated, he's been working full time for Kohl's Corporate. Whenever any of my family members, or one of our friends, asks how he likes his job, he always tells them that he doesn't really like what he does there. Even though he says that, I know he really likes it. He's been picking up a ton of responsibilities: going to meetings, being "on call" for days at a time, attending events held by his team, etc. Whether Shawn wants to admit it or not, he likes being needed for something. He really should feel that way, too, especially after all the work he's put into the past few years in school.
Kathleen graduated high school and has been getting ready for college. She's going to the same university that Beth and I are at, which I'm totally psyched about. <3 As happy as I am for her, I have to be honest about the whole situation-- it's been a tough few weeks for her and the rest of our family. We've all been going through some major adjustments and there have been a lot of hurt feelings. I'm not sure where I stand on all of the issues anymore, but I do know that I'm trying to focus on making Kathleen as comfortable as possible with her new living situation with Beth. It's interesting how so many changes in just Kathleen's life have impacted the entire family. Something like this has never really happened in this way before.
My internship is going well.
I'm moving in with Shawn in a few weeks. Even though Shawn and I have lived in our current apartment together, with Beth, we finally found a place for just the two of us. We looked around for a few weeks, did some research, and then found the perfect place for us to live for the next year. I started getting a little stressed out when we were looking, because I hated the fact that I felt "homeless" but everything worked out in the end. The biggest challenge for us now is buying all of our furniture and still having enough money for rent. Like Shawn keeps telling me, we "have to take it slow." I guess I'm just excited about the idea of having an entirely new place to live with all new furniture. It's like I'm putting together a new family or something! ^__^ Slow steps are good.
I had to tell Dad that Shawn and I were moving in together. I had to do it. I mean, after all the years that Dad and I haven't been able to communicate, I had to tell him that Shawn and I were taking this step in our lives. Honestly, I wasn't worried about talking to Dad, but everyone else started to freak out about it. Mom even told me, at one point, that she didn't want to be in the house when I was talking to him. *sigh* Every other person I talked to gasped and made me promise to tell him/her how it went.
The thing is, everyone knows how difficult my relationship with Dad has been throughout my life. His Filipino culture is extremely different from my own, and hearing that two people are moving in together before marriage can tear people apart. There are little secrets to situations like this though: you have to know people. You have to know how they function, how they feel about certain issues, how they react to specific situations, how their thought processes break down information. I did my research and I made a plan.
Last weekend, I went home to talk with Dad. I walked up to him and asked him if we could talk alone. Within the next two hours, we stood there in my parents' bedroom talking about everything. I told him about Shawn and me, and from there we started talking about family and beliefs. Huge breakthroughs were made, and I told him that I wanted to fix everything that had gone so wrong in the past. I know that Dad and I don't have what Mom and I share, but I'm only 23 years old. I can be an adult here and try to fix something like a relationship.
A few times during our talk, Dad broke down. A while back, Mom told me that no one but her had ever seen him cry, and even then, it had happened only twice during their marriage. When he started crying, he told me he felt he was a bad father. And then he kept repeating the same story about how he had left to go on a vacation at a time when things in our family were finally good-- and then how guilty he felt about leaving for those few weeks. Even though I had little recollection about this happening (since I was so little), I felt everything he felt. I know how one guilty memory can tear me to shreds so I did the only thing I could do at the time. I listened.
Not everything between Dad and me is resolved now, but at least we have some of the issues out in the open. I told him that we need to talk more, instead of letting Mom be the messenger between us, and he agreed.
It's been an interesting few weeks. As always, I've been dealing with a lot of the stress by buying myself presents. *guilty look* I know I should be saving money for my new apartment, but having new dolls and accessories makes me feel so much better. They take my mind off of the stress. I'm trying not to repeat what happened last summer! So far, I've only had to take my stress medication for one week and I was able to stop after that. It's a good sign. ^__^
In a way, I feel like I've kind of graduated, too. Usually summer is a slow time for me, but so far, it's proven to be just as hectic as the school year!
I often post photos of Beth and Kathleen on my blog, but I've never had the pleasure of posting photos of my mum. <3 She is the reason for my being and is the source of all my creativity. She has taught me and pushed me in amazing new directions...
I took this photo of my mom this last weekend. She wanted some pretty photos taken of her around the house with all of her beautiful flowers and trees to give away to some special family members. (She's a fantastic and talented gardener.) I was happy to help her with this project, and I especially loved editing all of the photos. I'll try to post those at a later time.
Mom, I'm sure you'll see this since you read my blog every now and then. When you do, just know that I love you!
One of my last semesters in college is almost over with, and I feel pretty happy with finally being able to, as Mom keeps saying, "see the light at the end of the tunnel." I think her optimism is in the family blood; I'm feeling more confident that, yes, graduation is possible. Senioritis hit me about two years ago, and it hit even harder last semester when I had to learn how to juggle my job with my classes. This semester seems a little less stressful, but I'll be just as happy to get it over with as I did in the winter.
As graduation draws nearer, my plans for life are falling into place. (It seems vague to say "life," but I'm learning to deal with how plans for the future are pretty vague most of the time anyway.)
My very last semester of college will consist of three English classes, all of which I have charted out at this point. My summer is going to be taken up by working more full-time hours again, and I'm hoping to turn part of my hours into an internship that's required for my English major. Turning a few hours into the internship will save me a lot of stress during the school year. In fact, I was worried I would have to somehow drop something in order to fit the internship in, but it looks like everything is working out for the best after all!
The best part about this whole working hard thing is planning for what I want to do after graduation. Shawn and I are currently working (and saving money for) an apartment for in a few months. Since Kathleen will be coming to live with Beth when she starts going to our university, Shawn and I decided it would be best if we started to branch off into our own little world. A few years ago, I would have thought moving in with a boyfriend was a big step, probably because of all the hype from silly TV shows and dramas. Honestly though, I've learned that a step like that can be simple if a couple is ready for it and really wants to progress in a relationship. This September will mark my six year anniversary with Shawn so planning for the future isn't just a plan; it's what I've been working towards for a good chunk of my life.
Shawn told me something that meant a lot to me the other day. Now, I'm not the one for mushy statements. We were standing in the kitchen making dinner together a few weeks ago, and we had been discussing something about his job. I think he was complaining about a few assignments he was given to do, so I turned to him and asked how he could put up with some of the tasks that his everyday job demanded of him. He turned to me and said, "Well, I do it for you. Actually, everything I do is for you." Hearing that made my mind wind back to a few years ago when he told me that if we hadn't started dating, he would have joined the army. He felt that he didn't have anything else to do in life so he thought he would try to look for meaning in some other form of work. Something like that didn't seem so profound to me until I casually told Mom about it during one of our conversations. She told me that a guy telling his girlfriend that says that he's living for that girl. And it's true. Shawn letting go of certain things in his life and choosing to work an office job would have never happened if we hadn't started dating. He's chosen to live his life with me, and everything he does-- from running to the store for soda because I have a caffeine headache to keeping a desk job and working long hours-- is for me.
I've thought about what Shawn has done for me a lot. So now, I feel like I have a reason for graduating and working towards finishing college. Even with all this busy work going on now, at least I know that something good is coming out of all of this. After we stay at our apartment for about six months (so until I graduate), we're going to be finding a really nice apartment and then save up for a house. Jokingly one day, we started to look at house ads online. After we browsed some beautiful homes, I realized that a beautiful home in a safe neighborhood is something that I do want to work for, even if it means working this hard. Who knew a future was possible? I didn't, until recently.
And sometime after we graduate, and some more time after we live together, we'll decide to take the next step. Marriage is an idea that many, many people have asked us about over the years. In fact, I think everyone else is eager to hear about a wedding announcement from us, but we've just decided to take things easy-- one step at a time. We're planning though, and we've found that confidence in our relationship is our marriage to each other. An official engagement will come in time. For now, all I need is this pretty amazing reality we're facing together. It's a pretty damn good reason to keep working and living.
And that's pretty much where I'm at right now...
I'll say it straight out: I'm worried about Yukimo. For the past few weeks, she's been having "womanly" bleeding. She showed the same thing a few months ago, but it only lasted a day or two. After doing some research back then, I found that dwarf hamsters don't have regular menstrual cycles; girls actually only have a period maybe once in their lives, and the period only lasts for a day or two.
Yuki's problems seem a bit more serious though. Within the past few weeks, there's been a lot more bleeding in that area-- to the point where she leaves little trails of blood on whatever she walks on. The bleeding isn't continuous though. It lasts a few hours and then stops anywhere from a few hours to a few days.
I decided to do a little more research this time, and I found a very helpful thread on a hamster forum. That girl's hammy experienced the very same symptom as Yuki. In fact, my situation sounded identical to what was posted in that thread. From what I've discovered, it sounds like Yukimo could either have an infection or a tumor, but the only way I would be able to find out is if I take her to the vet (something that I am against at this point in time). The vet could give her antibiotics for the infection, or he could recommend Yuki having surgery. Honestly, I would never give such a small animal surgery, especially Yuki. She's lived a long, happy life and I know that putting her through something so traumatic would most definitely hurt her more than anything else.
In the past, I've had hamsters and guinea pigs who have also displayed health problems. Whenever I took one of them to the vet though, they died shortly after the visit. The main difference between Yukimo and my past pets is that Yukimo isn't super sick like they were. When thinking back, all of my piggies and hammies were deathly ill, ready to pass on... so I suppose it isn't extremely weird that they died. I guess that one of my worries is that something will happen to Yukimo if I take her to the vet. She's so small and trips never sit well with her. If anything, I can see something about the trip making her nervous, which is the last thing she needs right now.
The good news about Yuki right now is that bleeding is the only thing that seems to be wrong with her right now. Other than that, she's as happy as ever in her one and a half years! She's running (well, trotting... since she's getting pretty old now) in her wheel almost every night. She's eating great and getting a good amount of water every day. She's active whenever I hold her. Of course, the only real things that are different compared to when I first brought her home is the fact that she's a bit slower than before. Instead of walking, she wobbles around. Instead of running everywhere when she's outside of her cage, Yuki likes to walk around and sniff things when exploring. She doesn't have that teenager-like mindset that makes her think she needs to do everything at once. She just likes to explore things-- in a more mature fashion, tee hee. Boy, that hamster wisdom has really kicked in!
So, despite her current health situation with the bleeding, Yuki is doing really well. I think I'm going to try to speak with a vet to see if there's any way I can get antibiotics for Yuki (to see if she has an infection) without taking her in to the vet. I just want to make sure I cover all the bases when it comes to keeping my little hammy healthy. She's had a great and happy life so far; I want to make sure she continues to have one for however long she's still with me.
I thought I'd wrap up this post with a very funny video I took of Yukimo back in early January. I had been staying at my parents' house for a week or so, so that meant that Yuki was on her own at my apartment for a few days. I made sure to stop in, check on her, feed her and clean her cage so that she knew I was still around. Needless to say, Yuki showed how much she missed me... by hopping around with a piece of lettuce! (And yes, that's me narrating, along with Kathleen. ^__^)
I love you, Yukimo.
This introduction is way overdue, but alas, it's here. ^__^ I would like to introduce the newest addition to my dolly family: Lullo.
On December 23rd, I went back to my parents' house after worrying about my last project of the semester. Mum asked me what I wanted for my birthday in a few days, and it was after she asked me for the third time that I realized that I truly didn't know what I wanted. It was the first time in years. I hate saying, "Oh, just money will be fine..." Birthdays are about surprises and real, tangible presents, and I like the thought that people put thought behind things like birthday presents. At least, that's what I think birthdays should be about!
That night, I started making my usual rounds online, and then decided to make my way over to some BJD sites to see if there were any good "prospects". Sure enough, Dollmore had some new dolls up, and one in particular caught my eye. She was so beautiful, so unique. From that minute on, I was a goner.
The next morning, I asked Mum if the doll I showed her the previous night could be my birthday present. She was happy that I finally decided on something and said that would be no problem. I ordered her right then and there, and I decided that I would put Mum's present money and the money I would get the next day from Grandma (for the holidays) towards my new doll and her extensive wardrobe (not to mention the huge shipping costs).
I knew that my new dolly wouldn't arrive for a few days or weeks since BJD companies have to do each, individual faceup for every doll order (if requested by the customer in the ordering process), not to mention having to get together all of the items before shipping. Surprisingly enough, I only had to wait fifteen days for my package to arrive-- I was shocked! Some people have to wait months to receive their orders.
During the waiting period, I had to somehow get my dolly fix. (Seriously, I get this craving for extra cuteness when I know I have a new doll on the way.) I spent almost every free hour during my day online, usually browsing the Den of Angels forum, or trying to find new outfits to buy so I could get new ideas about what kind of wardrobe my girl would have by the time she arrived.
Then, on January 6th, I had my real fix: she arrived! Beth and I made a special trip back to my parents' house so I could pick up the big package. Dollmore always keeps their word, because my doll not only came in a beautiful box with silk pillows as protective wrap, but I was given extra holiday surprises from the company. They also sent me a free Alice in Wonderland outfit (dress, stockings, bloomers, crown, apron), an extra set of eyes, and a Dollmore pen.
It took me a second to let my new doll's appearance sink in. Her look online had been so inspirational to me; it was more Asian-looking than any other doll of mine that I owned appeared. Where some BJD lovers found her eyes not as "appealing," I found it to be incredibly special and more authentic, as far as natural features go.
I had requested very specific faceup (makeup) tones, and with only artificial lighting to go by, it was difficult to tell if my requests were actually looked into. Once I put her new clothes on and fixed her wig, I was in love. Everything about her was just right, and I knew the name I had picked for her-- Lullo-- would be more than perfect for her.
One thing about the world of BJDs is that there's a very "Comic-Con" (for lack of better words) following. Dolls are not just dolls with personalities. There are stories and backgrounds and real-life scenarios that take place within the time spent with their owners. Every single detail about their personalities and lives is thought out, and everything has meaning. I always try to create this persona for my Blythes, but I'm rarely ever successful in doing so (with the exception of Plum, of course).
Lullo made things very easy. From the second I saw her online, I knew her story. I wrote it out for a contest that Dollmore hosts every month. The idea behind the contest is to write a small story for a photo that the owner of the doll takes. Because Dollmore is an Asian-based company, I had to make sure that I put things clearly and simply so it could be easily understood for anyone that doesn't read English very well. If anything, I think the way it's worded makes Lullo's story seem even more real. It's like a children's story. ^^
Lullo is a mischievous and happy girl who has just been given one of the greatest honors of her people. Like every person, Lullo has been given a special job that she must carry out in her world. Her title is "Keeper of Lullabies". This means that Lullo is responsible for helping those around her find their inner lullabies so that they can find peace and happiness within their lives.
Lullo is very young and is still only learning all of what she must do for other people, but she takes great pride in her work.
I'll be expanding on Lullo's background over time, but I think that will do for now. I think her story will grow as time goes on and as Lullo gains different looks and outfits. Her pink piggy outfit inspired the story as it stands right now.
I'm a very happy girl right now. Lullo, Lullo, Lullo...
For the last few weeks, Beth and I have been on the search for two kitties. We were pretty anxious to get the search over with, because we were sure that having new companions would make the depressing times a bit more warm and happy. So far, we both admit that we were partially right... and a little wrong.
Beth searched around online for a while, trying local animal shelters and sites like Craigslist. Finally, she came across a girl from our own university, who lived only a few minutes away from us, was putting up two sister kittens up for grabs. Beth and the girl corresponded through emails for a couple of days and finally settled on a meeting time. Although we couldn't meet the girl, her boyfriend was able to hand over the kittens to us-- for free and with a few supplies.
Our first impression of the kitties should have probably tipped us off. As beautiful as they were, they were also a little cold. I'm used to dealing with animals though; I know that not every pet warms up right away. Having a relationship with a new companion can take time, especially with cats who have been shipped off from one home to the next since they were born. Moving around as much as they have had to have been difficult. I know that if I were a cat, I wouldn't want to have to adjust to a new home every few weeks. Hell, I'm going through the same thing as the cats with moving from apartment to apartment, so maybe the fact that I can relate with them made me soften to their distant relationship to us.
After only a few hours of being with us, they were ready for some cuddling. They spent the first two days in my room so they could adjust to their new surroundings a little at a time. Shawn was sweet and bought the majority of their supplies on his way over to my place. I had been worried about how Shawn's allergies would be around the kitties. Even though Shawn has three cats at his own house, he's never been able to hold back with the teary eyes and stuffed nose. (I'll admit that I was very disappointed when I found out that the boy that I loved had allergies to the animal that I wanted my whole life. *sigh*) So far, Shawn's allergies haven't acted up at all. In fact, I walked into my room the first night the kitties were here, and Shawn was laying down on the floor cuddling up with the grey and white one. I couldn't stop smiling after I saw that.
At first, Beth and I tried to claim each one of the cats as our own, but after spending a little more time with both of them, we've come to realize that they're both a package deal. Beth and I basically have one cat, yet we feed two, haha. The ringleader, explorer and friendly one is black and white. I've also come to know her as the kitty with the purring problem: she just doesn't stop purring! She's a little motorboat.
The grey and white kitty (the one I thought would be "mine") is the quieter one. Sadly, I found out later that she's a bit less friendly and more skittish than her sister. (It's amazing how different the two are, yet their love for each other makes them seem somewhat the same.) Even though she's more distant, I still feel drawn to her. I think her regal stance is what I really love. That's one reason I decided to name her Isis. Isis is an Egyptian goddess, which was known to be "Queen of the throne." She was the wife of Osiris, the Egyptian god of "life, death and fertility." (Thank you, Wikipedia.)
Osiris happens to also be one of Shawn's kitties, one of my favorite cats that I've ever met. Osiris is extremely intelligent, witty and suave; I've always thought of him to be the most human cat I've known. So although Isis is a little shy compared to her sister, I think that air of mystery is meant to be, considering she's the wife of Osiris. It's only recently that I discovered what a little trickster she is. Underneath all of her regal qualities lay a really funky, crazy kitty. I think knowing how connected her and Osiris are (in my mind) makes me bond with her more. That's what I'm hoping for in the longrun.
Isis' sister doesn't have a name yet. The reason behind that is most likely because Beth and I are still deciding whether to keep the sisters or not. As much as we love cats, and as much as it hurts me to admit it, I didn't feel a connection with them over the first few days they stayed with us. I'm not the person to give up though, especially on something as special as a cat. Beth and I were determined to love them and let them know that we really care for them. Our plan has been working so far, and I know this because they've become more and more friendly over the past few days.
What we had been worried about the most was the relationship they shared. Because of their extreme closeness with each other, we were unsure that they'd bond with us at any point in their time with us. The idea of sister kittens is really wonderful, but the experience has been made into more of a test-- one that I'm still hoping to pass with flying colors. Letting them walk around our apartment and have the freedom to explore throughout the day has made them feel more at home, I think. Plus, we realized that their attitudes changed. Ever since Beth mentioned possibly giving them up to the Humane Society, they've warmed up to us by following us around, waiting for us outside of closed doors, and purring even more (if that's even possible). It's amazing how in tune with us they are. I think we're finally speaking their language.
Isis and her sister are adjusting to their new lives. Beth and I still aren't sure if we'll be keeping them with us, but we want to give the new living arrangement a try. We figure that a few days of trying to bond with each other will give us a better idea of what to do. They're still young enough to go through a bit of change, so I figure that we can test out the waters for a few more days.
Things seem to be looking up at the moment. Isis, her sister and I just spent the day in the main room-- they lounged around next to me while I worked. They seemed to like my laptop a lot. In fact, they showed their love for it by trying to climb on top of the keyboard while I was typing.
If that's not love, I don't know what is.
Featuring Shawn and Lauren (me),
courtesy of Beth's beautiful photography skills.
And, as always, there's more to come.
The Cookie Bottom: The semester is finally over with! I completed all of my exams last week, and I was able to finish my ten page paper at the same time. I knew it could be done, because I've had worse semesters in the past, but knowing that all the stress over schoolwork is gone for a few months really gives me comfort. I feel like the freedom is sinking in.
I started and finished my ten page paper in a matter of about five hours. I know that I should be happy that I could finish a paper that I was proud of by the end in only a few hours, but I still felt that I struggled at first. I never take more than a few minutes writing the introductory paragraph. Something didn't click as quickly as it usually does this time around. Whatever the problem was, I felt a huge rush of relief as soon as the paper was out of the way. After that, I focused on my three exams: Irish Literature, Oceanography and Intro to Linguistics. All of them went fairly well. This was one of my rougher semesters, so I'm just happy to get my last science class (ever!) over with. From here on out, I'll only be taking level 300 and higher English classes that specifically focus on Technical and Professional Writing. The cookie is looking mighty yummy. ^___^
Other than the rude behavior, our little vacation pretty much rocked. We were able to sleep in and do a little browsing through cute stores. I think my favorite part of our vacation was when went down to a dock near our hotel. As usual, Beth and Shawn expressed great amounts of glee because of absolutely nothing. I think that's why I love them, haha. Here's a little sneak-peak of our adventure on the dock:
When Beth screams out, "Wait, you guys! Let's pretend I'm a bird!" I pretty much know what setting I should put my camera on: action (to avoid blurs). Beth's always all over the place, but I think that's what makes her such a good photography subject-- she's not afraid of doing anything.
(Oh, and on the way back from the resort, I made sure to have Shawn pull over when we passed the Plum Bottom Road sign again. There aren't many days when I can say that I've seen Plum's name sprawled on a road sign. I think it was the best way possible to wrap up my mini-vacation.)
The Cookie Top: Starting tomorrow, I will be officially working at my new job. Six Apart was nice enough to allow me to finish all of my exams before I began the job, thank goodness. For the next few months, I'll be working five days a week, helping to improve Vox and keep it running. When I left for my vacation, I realized something: I'm not nervous about starting the new job at all. This is the first job I've ever had that I'm genuinely thrilled about. It's the perfect way to end the school year and begin my Summer. In fact, I think this cookie is the real icing.
(More pictures of my weekend can be seen in my photo section.)
I'm not one to take pictures of flowers. Flowers are beautiful, yes, but I've always found them a little boring compared to other photo subject opportunities, like people. Flowers are predictable. They're cliche. They do, however, produce beautiful photos if a little creativity in angles is added to the mix. I was so happy with how some photos of flowers turned out earlier this week that I used some of the end products as part of my gift for Mom for Mommy Day. She loved everything, but she has yet to see the ones I was able to to snap while I was at home for the weekend. Most of the photos in this post are of the gorgeous blooming trees and plants in my yard at my parents' house. There's something about going home during some weekends that really takes me back to everything happy when I was little. For the past two years, I've lived in the city most of the time and everything-- the air, the people, the everything-- seems so dry compared to the suburbs. But when I come home, it's like the magic of everything good hits me all over again. It's an escape and a place for me to hide for a while. I think these photos will explain why I love going home so much. Colors speak for themselves.
Beth and I have exams this coming week so the two of us weren't able to celebrate Mommy Day with Mom and Kathleen all at once since we were in and out of the house at different times. Instead of buying presents, we all opted for the more creative (and less expensive) choice: homemade gifts. Beth and Kathleen wrote Mom poems and I gave her a small portfolio of some of my photography. She loved everything, as usual. To this day, she still tells us that no one gives her presents like we do. I second that. ^__^
I'm going to use the rest of this entry to commemorate Mommy Day and Mom, my reason for being, just because she deserves a little something more. So, instead of writing about my rather "meh" week coming up, I'll focus on the positive and good in my life right now: here's a little preview of what goodness there is-- in mommies and beautiful days alike.
Taking photos of flowers can be really fun. I learned that a little oomph has to be put in it though.
