50 posts tagged “shawn”
I've spent a lot of time on my blog and other places online talking about Ed and Fru. I was thinking about it a while ago and I realized that I rarely ever come out and talk about just Isis, even though she's a huge part of my life. In the last year or so, she's played an even bigger role in my happiness.
When I first got Ed and Isis, I remember being disappointed about how unattached I felt with them. I wrote a blog post about it here and I got a lot of great feedback about how loving pets can take time sometimes; it's not always instantaneous. Everyone who said that was right and I'm really thankful for their help. Isis is one of those kitties that took a while to warm up to me-- much longer than Ed. And in all honesty, the wait was completely worth it.
Shawn, Beth, and I noticed that there was something a little "off" about Isis when she first came to live with us. She was terrified of everything. Even for a kitty, the horror in her eyes every time someone walked past her seemed excessive. We all watched her carefully and then came to the conclusion that she was most likely abused by one of her previous owners. As far as we knew, she had at least two previous owners, but there could have been more. The way she ran away from people and ducked her head whenever anyone would make any quick movements made me feel like she had once been struck by someone-- most likely a male since she's always had a greater fear with them. I know that not all kitties are warm and cuddly (I've been around a lot of cats in my life), but the feeling I got when I saw the fear in Isis' eyes told me something extremely bad happened to her in her past. Knowing this made me determined to help her feel comfortable in her new life.
I first started noticing a change in Isis when I took her (and Ed) to the vet for a checkup about two years ago. Ed was pretty calm, but as usual, Isis was terrified. I gently picked her up and held her the entire time she was there. It was the first memory I have of her clinging to me because she felt protected and safe in my arms. I remember how I couldn't stop smiling. Shawn even mentioned that Isis and I were having a "bonding experience." Ever since that day, I've felt a deep connection with Isis.
Since then, she's been slowly becoming more loving. I took advantage of that change and started to "work" with her more often. When she was really young, she wouldn't let anyone hold her and would claw her way out of a person's arms. (I have a scar to prove it.) I decided to take baby steps with Isis to help her understand that being held was a good thing. Every day, I would slowly pick her up and take her over to a window where we could watch the streets outside. I would talk to her in a very soft, soothing voice (very non-threatening) so she knew that I was still there with her. I figured that the movements on the steets would distract her enough so she wouldn't concentrate on the fact that I was holding her. Sure enough, Isis became used to being held by me. After a while, I was able to hold her for an infinite amount of time. In fact, I'd have to say that she now gets sad when I have to put her back on the floor after holding her.
These days, Isis is very relaxed. She's still afraid of almost all strangers (like a lot of kitties are), and most men. However, her attitude and mannerisms have changed to an enourmous extent with the people she's familiar and comfortable with. Isis no longer runs away when people are walking towards her. She doesn't duck her head quickly if people around her are moving their arms or moving objects around her. When Shawn and I walk in the door after being out for a few hours, she stays asleep in her kitty bed in the main room. If anything, she might look up at us to acknowledge our presence... but she doesn't run to a hiding place.
Whenever I'm asleep and Isis sees me curled up under my comforter and another very soft blanket I always use, she hops up on top of my stomach and falls asleep there. A few days ago, I woke up and was able to get off the couch without waking her up-- she stayed in the same spot, sleeping, for over ten hours! Most of the time, she's purring happily whever she's sleeping. And if I don't cuddle with her in the morning, which has become a routine for the two of us, she comes up to me later in the day and gives me sad mews to let me know she wants some cuddles.
Having two kitties who are so different from each other is amazing. Ed is friendly with everyone and is very sociable. Isis has grown into a kitty who chooses who to love, and if you're chosen, you feel like you are the most important person in the world. That's exactly how I feel whenever I'm with her. It was difficult for a long time for me to grasp the idea of Isis being calm and loving, but seeing her so happy every day has made her overall happiness a normality. I couldn't be more grateful for her and the fact that she's overcome whatever pain she experienced in the past. Her ability to move on and be happy has made me happy.
So much has happened since I left for BlytheCon. I'm not sure I can go through every single thing I've experienced, but I'm definitely going to try. To sum it up in a sentence: BlytheCon was amazing. I can't believe how busy I was over the past few days!
When I arrived at Rebecca's house in Indiana, everything seemed to fall into place. All my insecurities disappeared... She made me feel so welcome and I'm really thankful for that. As soon as Shawn and Ryan left, Rebecca and I got down to some serious dolly business. We talked for a long time as we got ready for our trip to Atlanta the next day. I helped her make a sign for her booth while she cut up some business cards, and I showed her all the dollies and toys I brought with me. I really felt like we had known each other for years.
Sherri arrived early the next morning. Like I told both her and Rebecca, I was so nervous about meeting Sherri. O__O She's been one of my idols ever since I started collecting Blythes; her saran and mohair reroots are incredible-- one of the absolute best rerooters in the world! I felt intimidated before Sherri arrived, but as soon as she arrived, my nerves settled down. She was so down-to-earth and so much like me... I immediately felt like I could relate to her, and that doesn't happen very often when I meet new people.
Our ride to Georgia was extremely long: about nine hours. Surprisingly, I didn't fall asleep once. Haha, Sherri, Rebecca and I talked the entire time-- about dollies, Pet Society, our lives, and so much more. In fact, we talked about so much, I'm almost afraid I'm going to forget some of the details. A long car ride was the perfect way to get to know Rebecca and Sherri even more.
We were able to settle into Rebecca's mom's house really quickly. I think it's because we were all so tired and hyped up for the next few days. For a while, we sat around exchanging dolly clothes and stories about our girls. I've never had the chance to talk for hours on end about dollies in my pajamas before... I wish I could do it more often. I felt almost spoiled for having such a great vacation so far. My sleep was wonderfully deep and comfortable.
Friday was the day dedicated to the Georgia Aquarium. Sherri, Rebecca, Rebecca's mom and I all went. We were all a little disappointed at how little there was to do at the aquarium, but everything that was there was really beautiful. My favorite part of our visit was definitely the tunnel that's underneath water. To be surrounded completely by water, fish and sharks was incredible. We all loved that part so much that we decided to walk through the tunnel a second time before we left.
One of my other favorite things about going to the aquarium was how interested people were in the Blythes we brought with us. Sherri brought Penny (her @Nai custom); Rebecca brought Tallulah (Betsy's crazy cross-eyed custom); and I brought Nami. We not only had visitors coming up to us to ask us about our dollies, but the aquarium's staff expressed even more interest. A security guard wanted to hold one of our dolls. A few of the staff members in charge of taking photos asked me a bunch of questions about where Blythes could be found. And the absolute best Blythe experience was at the end of our aquarium trip. As we were paying for our items in the gift shop, cashiers started piling up behind the registers to ask us all questions about Blythes. They couldn't get enough of our girls and left customers waiting in line and at registers so they could see the dolls! Rebecca, Sherri and I all took turns showing them our dollies. They loved changing the doll eyes. Rebecca and Sherri got a few photos of all the staff people (like seven or eight, I think) asking us questions.
Dinner that night was fun. The four of us went to a restaurant where we had some delicious meals. I had a shrimp and alfredo meal. *drool* It was so delicious and it was a relaxing experience to have before the busy day ahead of us.
Finally. Saturday was BlytheCon. All of us were so antsy before we left! We had packed most of our stuff up the night before so we got to the con on time. Because Rebecca was a vendor so we could get into the building before any of the other attendees (which I was happy about because I didn't want to be stuck outside in the cold). The girl she was supposed to share a table with was sick so Rebecca had the entire table for herself. I helped her set everything up and went back-and-forth between the convention room and outside, where more and more people were starting to arrive. I switched between taking my three girls out; a lot of people seemed to already know who they were, especially Pigeon! I had fun posing for photos with my dolls and everyone was incredibly nice. <3
The convention was so much fun, but it all seems like a blur now. Everything was so fast paced. I somehow lucked out and was one of the first people to register. Because of that, I got into the con fast enough to check out all the vendors and their items. I snatched up everything I was instantly attracted to-- oh gosh, my loot is all so cute! I keep looking at all the clothes and accessories I bought.
I was constantly meeting new people. A lot of the people are friends I've had online for a few years. I felt like crying a few times because I was so excited to actually meet some of them in person. After all these years... finally! Pigeon's customizer, Megan, was there. She was one of the main reasons I knew I had to attend BlytheCon. She was such a sweet person and I feel like I know Pigeon more because of meeting Megan. I feel bad about not remembering every person's face; so much was happening at the time so I knew it would be impossible to remember everything.
One of the most exciting parts of the day was the raffle. I only bought five tickets but THREE of my numbers happened to get picked. O____O Because one of the items I won was a double, I only got two of the prizes-- I didn't mind though. The big prize I won was a free mohair reroot for a Blythe. The second prize I won was a free Blythe application for an iPhone. Because I don't have an iPhone, I gave my prize to Rebecca. I was so excited (and surprised) that I was shaking the entire time after my numbers were called.
Needless to say, the entire event was more fun than I could have ever imagined. Like I told Rebecca and Sherri later on, the BlytheCon trip was the best vacation I've ever had. Getting to know both of them is probably what I love most from the experience. Unlike the friends I had in high school and college, I connected with Rebecca and Sherri. They didn't make me feel socially awkward and we shared so many interests. I think it would have been impossible to not love those two girls.
All of my photos can be viewed on my Facebook BlytheCon 2009 album and in my BlytheCon 2009 Vox Collection.
Many thanks to Shawn and Ryan who drove me all the way to Indiana. Many more thanks to both Sherri and Rebecca for being the sweetest friends ever. And a lot of other "thank yous" go to those of you who followed my adventure on Twitter!
Last Sunday (Father's Day) was one of the scariest days of my life. Ed, my kitty of two years, went missing for a day. I hope I never have to go through that type of experience-- with a kitty or a child-- ever again. That type of fear is something no one should have to go through. It's deep, and it hurts. It sits in the pit of your stomach and refuses to go away until something good and/or miraculous happens. Ed, I learned that day, was a big walking furball of miracles.
The day started off well. Shawn and I had moved in to our new apartment the day beforehand and we were pumped up with excited energy about finally getting out of Milwaukee. Since we didn't have our internet set up at the new place yet, Shawn had to stay the night at our old apartment because he was on call for work and needed instant access to the internet. Kathleen, who helped us with the move the previous day, stayed the night with me instead. We had brought over the kitties and Fru during the move and I didn't want to leave them alone in a new environment on their first night.
After unpacking more things that Sunday, Shawn showed up to make sure everything went well with the cable/internet guy. He brought along more of our stuff from the old place, and he and Kathleen started moving it in. What I didn't really take note of at the time was how they had left all the doors to the apartment (leading outside) wide open so it would be easier for them to move heavy objects into the building. After they finished, and Kathleen left, Shawn and I noticed that Ed was MIA. At first, I figured that she had just found a new hiding place between all the boxes, or in the cabinets. (I discovered Ed could open all the cabinets herself that morning.) After searching every corner of the apartment for a few minutes with absolutely no luck, I started to get that panicky feeling inside.
Ed. Was missing.
I then pointed out to Shawn, who was very calm, that all the doors in the apartment had been left open. I started to think. "What if she decided to explore and ran outside?" The idea seemed unlikely at the time since Ed is afraid of everything, but we were out of ideas. We started to search our apartment building and then the grounds around our building outside. After 25 minutes (during which the cable guy decided to show up), there was still no sign of Ed. I called Mom and asked her for ideas since she had been in this situation many times in the past. (She's taken in over 200 lost and stray cats during her life.) She helped me remain calm and made sure I followed her instructions to check all the bushes and small hiding spots, and then to talk to everyone I came across to ask them if they had seen a black and white kitty with a black dot on her nose. (-__-)
An hour passed. Still no Ed. By that time, Mom, Beth, Kathleen, AND Jeremy were on their way to help us out with the search. Shawn had to stay inside with the cable guy so I was mostly doing the searching at first. They arrived and we spread out, searching not only my whole apartment complex's neighborhood, but also the surrounding neighborhoods. We double and triple checked both the outside apartment grounds and my apartment, the whole time calling, "Eeeed! Come here, honey! Come on, come out, sweetie!" Something just wasn't sitting well with me; Ed is afraid of everything and doesn't even come out of hiding when there's a lot of commotion (like people moving stuff into the apartment) around her. There's no way she would go anywhere near our apartment door with Shawn and Kathleen moving stuff in. I kept checking my apartment periodically, because I kept thinking that she could still be inside, laughing it up while all of us looked for her. Everyone else did the same thing.
Four more hours went by. It was over 90 degrees outside with no trace of Ed, or even a cool breeze to keep us somewhat sane. By that time, Beth and I decided to take a break. We headed into my apartment and sat on the floor and talked about Ed. Something still didn't feel right about the whole situation. After about fifteen minutes, I heard a shuffle from the next room. I figured it might be Isis, or just my imagination. And then it happened.
Ed walked out of the kitchen, sat down right in front of Beth and me, and acknowledged us with a yawn.
I screamed, "ED!" and ran over to her, throwing my arms around her big (she's quite huge) neck. I picked her up and swung her around while Beth laughed and ran over to us. After everything all of us had been through-- the worry, the panic, the dehydration-- Ed had been inside, in a very secret hiding place, the entire time!
Beth and I followed her back to her hiding place a few minutes later. As it turns out, Ed had opened the cabinet door under the sink and crawled into a hole in the wall that was barely seeable to the human eye. How in the world did a cat of her size get into that hole in the wall? No idea. At that point, I didn't even care: Ed was back and she was safe. That "little" trickster got the best of ALL of us.
Shawn and I have been trying to take it easy with our spending lately, especially with our plans to move into a new apartment next month. That said, the doll and toy collecting part of my life has slowed a little. Instead, I've been concentrating more on the things I already have.
Example A would be Elspeth. ^__^ She first joined my family around this time last year, and ever since then, she's been through a big transformation. A friend of mine offered to redo Elspeth's faceup with pink tones instead of her original peach colored tones. Because of her new colors, her wardrobe has taken on more pastels, like pinks and greens. I love her more now than ever.
I've been selling off a few of my other dolls so I don't have to feel too much pressure with money. So far, my one Pullip and a rare Blythe (Lamb) have been sold. I'm also in the process of selling my very first Lati, Laramie, to Mom. The money from those sales is being saved carefully, and a little of it is going towards smaller, less expensive, parts of my collecting. ^^
The last major expense I made on dolls was for a new sister for Elspeth. <3 With Shawn's help, I was able to buy a Lati dream doll a few months ago, one that is not yet complete. Once I complete her, I will be posting tons of photos!
I'm staying at the house for a few days because Shawn said he'd be busy working on some projects for work over the weekend. I thought it might be nice to spend some time with Mom. Whenever I wake up in the morning, there's this awesome nostalgic feeling of summer. It brings back good memories and makes everything seem simple and happy.
Even when I'm at my apartment, alone during the day, I've been experiencing sudden bursts of happiness. It's so weird! I've been trying to limit my time on the computer and watching TV, because I really want to start doing something more for myself lately. I've been feeling the need to enhance everything that I love doing, meaning that I'm focusing more on painting, photography, and spending time with my furries (kitties + hammy). Doing so has led me to some relaxing, more peaceful, days. I'm not really feeling that stress of needing to find work, which is such a relief now. I figured that I need to work on getting in the right mindset before I jump into the next phase of my life; after all, for the past 20+ years I've been in school working hard. It's time to let loose.
In photography aspects, I've been trying to work more on getting to know my camera better. I found that, after a while, I fell into such a routine with my camera that I didn't really explore all of the fun settings. I think my little experimentations have led to better, clearer photos, like the one above. (Yays!)
Also, on the photography home front, I've been trying to expand my photo subjects. I fell into a rut with that when I only took photos of Plum and a few other toys/dolls. I'm trying to appreciate everything else that I'm surrounded by, including other Blythes (like Utopia and Nami above!) and other little finds that I've been taking in.
This Alice necklace is one of my favorite recent finds to photograph. ^__^ Last weekend, I went on a little trip to Chicago with Shawn, Jeremy, and Kathleen. We went to one of my favorite urban toy stores, Rotofugi, and I picked up a lot of cute vinyls and a special art book signed by a favorite artist of mine. Then the three of us met up with another favorite artist of mine, Jeremiah Ketner, after Rotofugi-- we visited his studio (where I saw all of the amazing pieces he's currently working on) and went out to lunch with him.
Afterwards, Jeremiah suggested a bunch of cute stores that he knew I'd love to explore. In one of the little boutiques, I discovered the Alice pendant. I'm obsessed with everything and anything Alice in Wonderland, so I snatched it up. Later on, I went across the street where I had a chain made and fitted for me. I think the heart clasp (bottom right picture) is one of my favorite parts. Putting the necklace together was so much fun!
On an earlier trip to Chicago (April 10th), I was able to attend my very first Blythe meet. After six or so years of collecting them, I thought it was about time that I finally met more people who share the same hobby. ^^
We met up at a cute sushi bar (with really good fruit smoothies) and talked about Blythes the whole time. Because of other plans Shawn and I had in Chicago that day, I was only able to bring Plum (bottom row, fourth from the left). She was able to meet another Kozy Blythe, finally! Overall, the turnout was great and I was even able to meet Gina Garan, a very well known Blythe collector. In fact, it's because of Gina that Blythes exist today! It was such an honor to talk about Blythes, and tons of other stuff, with her.
So really, my "work" right now consists of working on myself and my life. I'm expanding every type of personal horizon possible, including my physical self. ^___^ I've been working hard at exercising daily so that I stay in shape. I'm feeling fit in every aspect possible!
After I wrap up this post, I'll continue to sit back in my parents' kitchen where the back door leading to the deck is open. The summer breeze is blowing in while I sip on my cinnamon white chocolate latte. Life is good.
I'm currently waiting for a nice day (meaning, good weather) to come along so I can have a nice photoshoot with Shawn outside. I'm looking forward to having more official engagement photos! ^__^ Until then, I thought I'd just stop in and say... "Herro!"
I've been trying to enjoy my time off from all work forms lately, and I've also been sending my resume out like crazy. Sadly, I haven't had any luck on the job front yet. Most of my time is "down time" and I've been trying to keep myself busy with little projects-- like painting, reading, taking photos, spending time with my favorite people, etc. I've also had the privilege of attending some really great events (an artist gallery and my first Blythe doll meet), more of which I hope to talk about in future posts.
I've been trying to enjoy my time off from all work forms lately, and I've also been sending my resume out like crazy. Sadly, I haven't had any luck on the job front yet. Most of my time is "down time" and I've been trying to keep myself busy with little projects-- like painting, reading, taking photos, spending time with my favorite people, etc. I've also had the privilege of attending some really great events (an artist gallery and my first Blythe doll meet), more of which I hope to talk about in future posts.
Like I mentioned on Flickr and Facebook, this necklace has special sister meaning to me. Beth and I often pick out the same, or similar, pieces of jewelry or clothing to buy. (After all, we are the same person.) Other than my engagement ring, it's the only piece of jewelry I wear every day.
Shawn proposed today: March 13, 2009.
More details to come in the next few days. ^__^
And yes, I have a Hello Kitty engagement ring!
Note: This post is long overdue, and I apologize to all of my Vox friends for taking so long to update my blog. In all honesty, I attempted to create several posts in these past few months, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. After reading the following paragraphs, I think you'll understand why.
After Yukimo passed away, a string of events occurred in my life that ended up making this year one of the worst years of my life. I fell in and out of small depressions for a few months and I'm still getting over some of the things that happened. I originally planned to go into great detail about this year's happenings, but it's really too hard to bring up all of the emotions that I've faced, so instead, I'm going to sum everything up into a small post.
This was my life for the last half of 2008:
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Yuki passed away at the end of September.
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I lost my job in November.
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I had to have emergency surgery in December due to having appendicitis.
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My chance for unemployment is "under investigation," even though I fully deserve to get it. Financial stress has kicked in.
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I had to deal with the consequences of everything and somehow get myself to graduate by the middle of December.
While I know that many other people have probably had to endure far worse than I've gone through, the harsh reality of all this... devastated me. Here's the thing: I had a plan. I had a solid, fullproof plan for the end of this year and the following few years. I was going to graduate and then not have to worry about classes ever again. I was going to have a secure job that I loved. I was going to finally, finally, be somewhere in my life that was stress-free. Instead, the universe decided to turn its back on me and flick me off.
Honestly though, I'm not angry with anyone. Six Apart is an amazing company and I fully understand its reasoning for cutting back. I still love the company in so many ways; I just need some time to heal from that experience (which is part of the reason why it's been so hard to come back to Vox). The economy sucks right now and that's a reality I've learned firsthand. Now I'm dealing with the financial repercussions... It's hard, and I'm starting to panic a little more every day. Shawn has been trying to relieve my stress and he's been handling the bills. Thank goodness for him-- he's been here with me for everything.
My body decided it couldn't handle the stress of Yukimo and losing my job so my appendix decided it was time to head out. I had never in my life went through surgery before, but considering everything that had happened, I guess it was bound to happen. It was one of the scariest and most painful experiences of my life. Again, it was another reality that I had to face.
I'm just bitter with life right now. I don't think I've ever done anything to purposefully harm someone else, but this feels like a punishment. I still wake up and go to bed thinking that I'm being punished for some unknown reason. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, and I should probably be thankful for that. In fact, I'm trying to be. But after being emotionally and then physically beaten up by the universe, I'm tired of trying to understand why everything happened to me. I'm so aware of what's going on around me right now, as if preparing for the next bad thing to happen, that I don't think I'm fully enjoying what time I have to myself.
I'll be searching for a new place of employment in January. After the surgery a few weeks ago, I just didn't have the heart (or strength) to find a job. I'm hoping that this little time off from work and school (since I did graduate, finally) will give me a chance to recuperate. And again-- that's just a hope right now.
I had a really great Fourth of July weekend.
I spent the day with Shawn and Kathleen, and the three of us went pretty much everywhere.
We even went to the garage where Shawn is keeping his new motorcycle,
and he took Kathleen for a short ride. (She loved it!)
Later on that night, Kathleen and I kept the tradition alive: we played with sparklers!
The next day, Shawn and I went to the beach, where it was warm.
I was finally able to lay out in the sun and not think about anything. ^__^
I brought one of my Alice's Adventures in Wonderland book with me. (I have at least 30 copies.)
I love perfect weekends.
Ever since the semester ended, I've been adjusting to a lot of new changes. I really don't know how I want to sum up the past few months, but I think the best way to tackle the task is by creating a list and then expanding a little on each point. (This is what happens when I have to make lists for both work and school; it starts pouring into my personal life, too! Haha.)
Shawn and Kathleen graduated. I'm not a fan of going to big graduation ceremonies, but as it turns out, I had to go to two within the same month. Shawn had to deal with my bad mood that day (I feel like I kind of ruined part of the experience for him... Bah!), but it ended up going really well. He's completely finished with college and education for the rest of his life. I'm so proud of him, and I couldn't be more jealous. ^///^
Since Shawn graduated, he's been working full time for Kohl's Corporate. Whenever any of my family members, or one of our friends, asks how he likes his job, he always tells them that he doesn't really like what he does there. Even though he says that, I know he really likes it. He's been picking up a ton of responsibilities: going to meetings, being "on call" for days at a time, attending events held by his team, etc. Whether Shawn wants to admit it or not, he likes being needed for something. He really should feel that way, too, especially after all the work he's put into the past few years in school.
Kathleen graduated high school and has been getting ready for college. She's going to the same university that Beth and I are at, which I'm totally psyched about. <3 As happy as I am for her, I have to be honest about the whole situation-- it's been a tough few weeks for her and the rest of our family. We've all been going through some major adjustments and there have been a lot of hurt feelings. I'm not sure where I stand on all of the issues anymore, but I do know that I'm trying to focus on making Kathleen as comfortable as possible with her new living situation with Beth. It's interesting how so many changes in just Kathleen's life have impacted the entire family. Something like this has never really happened in this way before.
My internship is going well.
I'm moving in with Shawn in a few weeks. Even though Shawn and I have lived in our current apartment together, with Beth, we finally found a place for just the two of us. We looked around for a few weeks, did some research, and then found the perfect place for us to live for the next year. I started getting a little stressed out when we were looking, because I hated the fact that I felt "homeless" but everything worked out in the end. The biggest challenge for us now is buying all of our furniture and still having enough money for rent. Like Shawn keeps telling me, we "have to take it slow." I guess I'm just excited about the idea of having an entirely new place to live with all new furniture. It's like I'm putting together a new family or something! ^__^ Slow steps are good.
I had to tell Dad that Shawn and I were moving in together. I had to do it. I mean, after all the years that Dad and I haven't been able to communicate, I had to tell him that Shawn and I were taking this step in our lives. Honestly, I wasn't worried about talking to Dad, but everyone else started to freak out about it. Mom even told me, at one point, that she didn't want to be in the house when I was talking to him. *sigh* Every other person I talked to gasped and made me promise to tell him/her how it went.
The thing is, everyone knows how difficult my relationship with Dad has been throughout my life. His Filipino culture is extremely different from my own, and hearing that two people are moving in together before marriage can tear people apart. There are little secrets to situations like this though: you have to know people. You have to know how they function, how they feel about certain issues, how they react to specific situations, how their thought processes break down information. I did my research and I made a plan.
Last weekend, I went home to talk with Dad. I walked up to him and asked him if we could talk alone. Within the next two hours, we stood there in my parents' bedroom talking about everything. I told him about Shawn and me, and from there we started talking about family and beliefs. Huge breakthroughs were made, and I told him that I wanted to fix everything that had gone so wrong in the past. I know that Dad and I don't have what Mom and I share, but I'm only 23 years old. I can be an adult here and try to fix something like a relationship.
A few times during our talk, Dad broke down. A while back, Mom told me that no one but her had ever seen him cry, and even then, it had happened only twice during their marriage. When he started crying, he told me he felt he was a bad father. And then he kept repeating the same story about how he had left to go on a vacation at a time when things in our family were finally good-- and then how guilty he felt about leaving for those few weeks. Even though I had little recollection about this happening (since I was so little), I felt everything he felt. I know how one guilty memory can tear me to shreds so I did the only thing I could do at the time. I listened.
Not everything between Dad and me is resolved now, but at least we have some of the issues out in the open. I told him that we need to talk more, instead of letting Mom be the messenger between us, and he agreed.
It's been an interesting few weeks. As always, I've been dealing with a lot of the stress by buying myself presents. *guilty look* I know I should be saving money for my new apartment, but having new dolls and accessories makes me feel so much better. They take my mind off of the stress. I'm trying not to repeat what happened last summer! So far, I've only had to take my stress medication for one week and I was able to stop after that. It's a good sign. ^__^
In a way, I feel like I've kind of graduated, too. Usually summer is a slow time for me, but so far, it's proven to be just as hectic as the school year!
